drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
