i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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