Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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