Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
