In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
