Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
