lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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