i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
