Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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