Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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