I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
