You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
