you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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