did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
