She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
