He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
