I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
