HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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