Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
