I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
