ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
