your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
