PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
