They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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