I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
