I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
