Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
