I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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