Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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