people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
