Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
