You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
