PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
