I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
