someone threw a dead crab at me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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