1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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