So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
