Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
