JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
