don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
