Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
