cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
