You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
