hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
