I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My liver just had a heart attack.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
