so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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