the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
