It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I still have a little drunk in my system
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
