Soap is not a condiment
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
