I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
