the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
