i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
