guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
