i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
