I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
